Intimacy with God

I wanted to write about intimacy with God and how I feel God is teaching it to me at the moment.

There are two areas that I’m focusing on:

1) God is willing to draw near to me
2) How I can draw near to God

The first is how God is willing to draw near to me. If I do something I shouldn’t have or I feel I am failing in some way, not quite living up to the life God has for me, I feel as though I can’t come to God, that I’m not worthy or that it makes me hypocritical to do wrong and then worship Him. This is how I often feel, but it is a misunderstanding on my end about how God views me. The thing is, I have never been perfect in this life, even when I’m outwardly doing the right things, there is a brokenness on the inside, a sickness in my heart. God has always known this, and it hasn’t stopped him from seeking a relationship with me and calling me into his presence. I act as if God is just looking at my outward behaviour, but the Bible says that God looks at the heart, and that its out of the heart that evil thoughts, words and actions come.

So God is looking at my heart, and there has always been a huge gulf between Himself and I, when it comes to holiness of heart, but it’s never stopped him. Jesus said, “I have not come to heal the healthy but the sick.” He is said to be “a friend of sinners.” Of course, God doesn’t want me to sin, to do things that hurt myself and others, he wants me to live my best life, but even when I’m not faithful he remains faithful. He is committed to me, through the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, He is the One Constant that does not change and his love endures forever.

The second thing is how I can draw near to God. The ways I often want to do this reveal my lack of understanding. I want God to give me a big sign that I cannot doubt. I want him to shout at me, so I cannot miss him. I want him to speak with a human voice and hug me in a human form. I want him to interact with me as a human does. And sometimes God will do this, he will shout, he will show a great sign, he will blow me over like a hurricane. This is where he sometimes begins, but it’s not where he wants to end. God comes down to my level, but what he really wants is to lift me up with him. It’s not enough for Him to change for my sake, but I must change for his sake. Jesus said that “blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” God can shout, but if I can quieten my heart, I can hear his gentle whisper instead. Sometimes I cry out to God, I beg and plead with Him that he would speak to me, but in those moments I’m not realizing that the barrier is not on his end, it’s on mine. How God wants to connect is deeper than words, he wants a real “heart to heart.”

When Moses was about to part the Red Sea, so the Israelites could flee safely from their Egyptian captors, he cried out to God for help, but God told him to stop crying out to him, but to move the people forward, to raise his staff and stretch out his hand and the sea would be parted. Interestingly, in the verse preceding this, Moses tells the people the Lord will fight for them, and that they only need to be still.

It’s not enough for me to shout out to Him with my words, from a place of anxiety and frustration. Rather, I must still my heart, I must come to him, bowed low, in humility, in openness, in honesty, in quietness and trust. I must seek the obedience that comes not from merely outwardly keeping rules, but the obedience that arises from a place of humility, knowing how utterly incapable I am in my own strength, and how completely I need to depend upon him. I rest myself in his mercy, knowing that his love for me does not depend on my behaviour but on his own character. It’s just who he is, the beautiful merciful God who delights when his children come to him in humility. Then there is a new kind of obedience that comes from the peace of knowing I am loved, an obedience that comes easy, a yoke that is not heavy but light. It’s not the human-to-human relationship I always thought I wanted, but it’s something so much more. He speaks in a language I had not known before, but I discover it is the most beautiful. He says, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” And, “My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”