(I’m writing this from a place of depression, as I’m going through a very hard time in my life at the moment, so it’s quite certain my emotions will influence my thinking, so please bear that in mind when reading my words, and be discerning as to what you take from me. Though that is something you should always be doing, whoever you read beyond the Bible itself.)
The Reformed/Calvinist view of reality is that human beings are dead in their sins and therefore incapable of choosing God, which means those that are saved are done so by the free choice of God.
This view is sometimes criticised as people think it’s an affront to God’s character, that he would choose some and not others, when the Bible says that He desires all to be saved and none to perish.
However, for myself, when I look deeply into my own life and the lives of those around me, at times it becomes very obvious that none of us really know what we are doing. Could I really say I chose God? Was I really in control of the circumstances that led up to me being receptive to His call? Do those who reject God really understand who they are rejecting or why they are rejecting him? Why do we do what we do, and choose as we choose? It seems to me that we are all so deeply broken, and spiritually blind, thumbling around in the dark in this life, from beginning to end.
Could my eternal destiny really rest on the decisions of this broken, ignorant man that looks back at me in the mirror? And if it does, am I to understand that as some kind of mercy on God’s part? It would seem rather a cruel lot for humanity to find ourselves in, being filled with such ignorance of spiritual things, and the weight of discerning what is true and to be lived out resting solely on our shoulders. It seems an affront itself to God’s character, to leave something of such eternal importance in our muddied hands.
I know for myself it was God that first chose me. I said “yes”, but I do not know why. It seemed as though all the events in my life had led up to that moment, moulding me just right into someone who would say that “yes.” So how much of that “yes” can I really claim as my own? On another day, standing there as a man of another life, I may just have easily said “no.” And I did not understand in that moment the consequences of my “yes.” I had no idea of the incredible importance of that decision. What a terrifying thought to think how easily and unwittingly I could’ve walked off the cliff edge instead! Is this really the kind of “free will” God wants us to have?
But I don’t believe that. God had a plan for my life long before I was born. I do not know why God chooses some and not others. But I think my knowledge of God is like the knowledge of a glass of salt-water set against the mysteries of the great oceans. God loves us but does not save all, and I do not know why, but I know I am not more compassionate than God, so there must be reasons beyond me.
I echo the prayer of my Lord, Jesus, who prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” (Luke 23:34)
What is Truth? 